Toughen Up, Buttercup: A Guide to Surviving Constructive Criticism

At some point in your writing journey, if you are lucky, you will be exposed to that wonderful, terrifying, terrible process known as critique. It may come from a teacher or professor. It may arrive in the guise of an in-person or online writing group. It may even turn up as feedback from an editor or a beta reader. But mark my words, if you write long enough and are serious about sharing your work with other readers, eventually it will occur, leaving you alone to decide how to best respond.

What you do next is crucial. Your response to criticism (that you asked for, by the way) will determine:

1. How much or how little you will learn about the craft of writing

2. To what extent your writing may improve

3. Whether or not people will willingly continue working with you

As a writer, the first thing you need to do ask yourself some very important questions. (BE TRUTHFUL, you will only be lying to yourself.)

1. Do I want other people to read what I have written?

2. Do I feel confident that I am presenting the best work I am capable of producing?

3. Am I ready to hear people talk about my writing in ways that may not be flattering?

4. Can my ego take criticism without me becoming: a) angry, b) violent, c) depressed, or d) suicidal?

Did you answer “no” to one or more of these questions? Stop right here! You are not ready for constructive criticism. You are looking for someone to ride in on a unicorn and blow glittery rainbows up your ass. I suggest giving your work to your mom or best friend or someone else who believes everything you do is brilliant and perfect. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT share your work with strangers. You are not prepared.

Did you answer “yes” to all these questions? Fantastic! You are ready for constructive criticism.

Now that you are seriously primed to share your work with others, the most significant information I can share with you is this – 99% of the people who will offer you advice are truly trying to help you be a better writer. The other 1%? Well, the other 1% are trolls and bullies who only feel better about their own shortcomings as writers, and possibly as human beings, when they are tearing someone else down. Don’t sweat that one percent, you will quickly learn who they are and you can ignore them completely.

I mean, technically, you are free to ignore anyone and everyone. You are the creator of your work, and as such, it is your choice whether or not to listen to what other people have to say. However, I would recommend at least entertaining the ideas and suggestions that come your way. They are only trying to help after all.

Now, I obviously can’t speak for everyone out there. I can only speak from my personal experience in both giving and receiving critiques, but I can tell you that I am certainly not going to be easier on a stranger than I am on the 13-19-year-olds I work with on a regular basis. In fact, I know quite a few adult writers who could take a lesson from these young writers. They crave critique. They beg for it. They want to learn. They want to improve. Most of all, they want to write and share their writing with others.

So, in the spirit of these fearless future novelists, playwrights, poets, journalists, and artists, here is my advice for learning to survive constructive criticism.

Your writing is not you.

Don’t get butt-hurt over what people say to you about your writing. People are not attacking you. These stories are your babies. Believe me, I get it, but have you forgotten question #4 already? Oh, yes, I was totally serious when I asked it. If you are going to survive, you had better develop a thick skin – the sooner, the better.

People are not going to sugarcoat things for you.

Don’t expect people to couch their criticism in kindness.

Again, I’m not your mom or your best friend or even your biggest fan. I’m not here to feed your fragile ego. I will NEVER be unnecessarily rude, but I have shit to do. When I am working with a piece, it has my absolute and undivided attention. However, I have other manuscripts and stories to read, reviews to write, and projects of my own to work on. Keeping feedback concise (which can sometimes seem curt) can simply be a necessity.

When the going gets tough, buckle down and work harder.

Don’t quit just because a piece was received poorly by someone or even by a whole bunch of someones. Writers don’t quit. They just don’t. Are you a writer? Then, you can’t be a quitter. Instead, realize that not everything you write will be a hit with everyone who reads it. Do you believe in the story you are trying to tell? Then, keep working on it. If not, then scrap it and write something else. Nothing you have written is time wasted. It all becomes part of the learning process. KEEP WRITING!

Rome wasn’t built in a day.

The first draft of your first story is probably not going to be very good. It is quite possible that it will suck. Writing improves over time. In fact, time and experience is the only way it improves. Revision is your friend. Embrace it. Even the most talented writers rewrite and revise. And then you know what they do? They revise and rewrite some more. Hemingway rewrote the ending of Farewell to Arms thirty-nine times before he was satisfied. 39 times! Do you think you are more brilliant and talented than Hemingway? Perhaps you should think again.

Edit your work before you give it to someone to read.

GRAMMAR AND PUNCTUATION MATTER! They matter to the entire literate world. I cannot stress this enough! See Question #2 above for further clarification. I am not your editor – not that I won’t point out a misspelling or tense shift from time to time, but that is not my primary goal. If I have to struggle to read what you have written, I will not be reading it. If I wanted to be an editor, I would make a job of it. Nobody has time to try to translate your writing and critique it. Don’t be that person.

Remember that no one is perfect.

We are all biased by our personal preferences. This is as true for readers as it is for writers. I do my best to reveal my own personal biases when I critique, but not everyone does. Just be aware that sometimes a suggestion may come your way based purely on a person’s preference for or aversion to a particular genre, style, or form.

Listen to what people have to say.

When someone has taken the time and trouble to read and comment on what you have written, the least you can do is listen to what they have to say. I approach each and every critique first as a reader, then as a writer. Many of the critiques I offer deal with aspects I would like to see as a reader – better character development, clarification of story points through addition or revision, reduction of extraneous information, and developing better dialogue are the most common. Critique partners and beta readers take their roles seriously. They want your end product to be the absolute best it can be, so pay attention to their opinions and advice.

BUT, take everything with a grain of salt.

Always remember, you have the final say in your work. There is no question you will be given advice that will be invaluable to your growth as a writer. However, there will also be suggestions that just seem to miss the mark. If there is something you love, keep it and move on.

If you choose to follow these suggestions (as always it is ultimately your choice), then you will be well on your way to becoming a better writer. But, regardless of your choice, good luck and happy writing to you all!

Day 21 - Reflection and Progress

There has been a great deal going on in my personal life over the past few days that have made it difficult to concentrate and nearly impossible to write.

My husband's mother is approaching her last days here with us. It is heartbreaking to watch her slip away, but more so to watch the pain of the family. Soon her suffering will come to an end, while that of her husband, children, grandchildren, and everyone else in this large closely-knit family will grow.

I often preach about the importance of making and taking time to write. About how crucial it is to set daily goals and stick to them no matter how badly you may feel.

The truth of the matter is there will be times in everyone's life so tumultuous that everything else (including writing) will take a back seat to just dealing with surviving and helping loved ones survive.

Does this mean I still won't encourage others to make time to write? Or to set and keep daily goals? Does it mean that I will no longer hold myself accountable for these things as well? Absolutely not.

As with all things, "this too shall pass." And when the regular chaos of life returns, I will pick up my pen and make myself write. Until then, I will write when I feel like it. There are times I even find it soothing to escape into my work and live in that other world for awhile.

I guess what I'm trying to say is this. Writing is personal. It is probably one of the most individualized activities in which a person can engage. What works for one person, may or may not work for another. I like to share activities and resources that have worked for me, but it does not mean they will work for everyone.

Just keep that in mind when you are reading the umpteenth article you've found about how to write more or write better or whatever. Never be hesitant to try something new, and if you find something that works for you, use the hell out of it. If it doesn't work, don't dwell on it - just move on. And remember there will be times that life is completely out of control, and day when you don't write anything. And that's okay too.

Until next time. . .

Good Day and Good Writing to you all!


Novel Stats - pages: 83; word count: 22079
For the past month - beginning word count: 5683; word count for the month: 16396
Currently, Welcome to anytown is approximately 1/4 completed

Writing Days 14.5/15

Today, I chose to include this quote from F. Scott Fitzgerald because over the course of my writing work this week, I have discovered that there are far more people living in my head than I previously believed.

To put this into perspective, I feel it is necessary to provide you with a little background on the current novel. The story follows Verity, a woman born and raised in the rural Midwest, who upon beginning work on a community-based genealogy project realizes something isn't quite right in her idyllic small town. As she begins investigating the cycle of deaths she has uncovered, she  begins experiencing vivid dreams of these "accidental" deaths from the perspective of the deceased. So, over the course of the novel, she not only is telling the story of her search to find answers and uncover the truth, but also the stories of the unfortunate souls who have lost their lives in and around the town.

If I were to say this involves a lot of stories, I feel like I would be downplaying the reality of the novel. It is a ton of stories - or a shit ton if you'll forgive my overuse of a colloquialism. All of these people insisting their stories be told becomes somewhat overwhelming if I think about it too much. So, I have decided, much like Verity, that I will tell them one at a time as I come to them rather than ponder on the enormity of the task as a whole.

I have to say one of the positive aspect of this experience is that I am still madly in love with this story, and from everything I've read, this is a good sign for me. Also, I constantly doubt whether anyone will actually want to read it when I finish; however, according to my sources, this is also totally normal. So there you go.

I have one complaint over the past two days which I feel obligated to share. I am certain that I am not the only one this happens to, so here it is. WHY is it that I can sit and stare at the television for hours and no one feels the need to speak to me, BUT as soon as I open the laptop and put the ear-buds in, everyone in my house is suddenly possessed with the need to engage me in conversation or ask me questions or beg me to do something for them??? Why is that? It drives me absolutely up the wall! I'm like "OK guys, I have been sitting on the couch for two and a half hours watching crap, but as soon as I start typing, you all need me for something!" Good Grief! I feel like Charlie Brown - can't win for losing. Anyway, I needed to get that out there. I feel better now. I just have to remind my family members from time to time that if I am typing, I am working, and they are NOT to bother me when I'm working. :)

I believe that's it for the past two days. The novel is steadily progressing in a forward motion which is a good thing. Chapter 8 is nearing completion, and after finishing Chapter 9, I will officially be a quarter of the way through the project. Hopefully, this week will be at least as productive as the last few days have been. Of course, either way, I will let you know. :)

Good day and Good Writing to you all!


Writing Stats -

NIP - WTA - pages: 56; word count: 15529

Writing Day 14

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I love this quote from Joseph Heller. It seems that when you write, trouble is just a part of the process. I think this is so important to remember when you are writing anything, but especially when you are working on something as long and drawn out as a novel. Sometimes, when the trouble comes it seems like you will never write anything again. And that negative outlook is just no good. You begin doubting your writing ability ("I don't really think I can write anyway."), then you doubt your capability ("Even if I could write, a project like this is just beyond the scope of my abilities."), then you doubt your publishability ("Even if I ever get this thing written, no one is ever going to publish it."), finally, you doubt your salability ("Even if someone takes a chance on publishing it, no one will ever read it.") Okay, so I took some liberties with the -abilities, but you get my meaning. It all becomes a spiraling mess of self-doubt circling the trash can drain.

With this in mind, I have taken a couple of days respite from the novel to re-energize and refocus my writing. And you know what? It actually worked! Can you believe it?

If you have read my previous entries, then you know Verity (my main character) and I have been having a bit of a struggle with telling her story in a way that suited both of us. I did move forward with other aspects of the story, but because Verity is THE center of the story, it just seemed wrong to move on without her.

Yesterday, my daughter and I took a field trip. Just as Verity had to "go home," I decided I needed to take that trip myself. To go out and drive the back roads, to be out in the country (the real country), to go down those old gravel roads and pick wildflowers, to be "home."

Just for fun, here are a few of the pictures I took on our little field trip.

"Going home" has been highly productive for both me and Verity. Today, I finished Chapter 7 and half of Chapter 8. I also posted two new articles to my education blog (Building Intelligence Plus Character). All in all, a full day of work. I believe I my need to make field trips a regular part of my process. :) So, until next time. . .

Good day and Good Writing to you all!

Today's stats -

NIP - WTA - pages: 51; word count: 13621